Jo Bros: a review

Oh, the Jonas Brothers. The Disney controlled, purity ring wearing, pansies that have been rotting modern rock music for the past…I can’t even remember how long. See what they do to you?
This is a review of the Jonas Brothers and their new show, JONAS, based fictitiously on their hectic lives as the famous ‘Lucas’ Brothers. Now, why they just didn’t use their real name is beyond me, considering the title of the show is, in fact, Jonas

I’ll go over the brother’s individually first before moving onto their faggotry as a union.
Nick: The 16 year old guitar player or singer or drummer…no one really knows what he does in the band (besides whaling his constant screeching vocals at us ruthlessly), and I’m way too lazy too look it up. Nick has dated Miley Cyrus (for reasons unknown to man, but now he’s her ‘best friend’), and is a media frenzy right now (as is Joe…and the other one). The youngest of the three, he would make the most sense to be sponsored by Disney since he is the most relatable age to the viewers (even though Disney is for little kids). However, he decides to creep the stages with his two older, molester brothers.
Joe: Is currently 19, but likes to fondle his seven year old fans. That is if he even had the balls to hold a bra onstage that was thrown at him or check out the girl who flashed him her rack of lamb. Joe was the star of ‘Camp Rock’, a movie nobody cares about or even remembers, seeing as it was a failure in trying to compete with High School Musical (the drag musical that lured in the faggotry cult following).
What’s his name?: What’s his name? is the other one in the group that nobody really cares about. He’s 21 years old and is the creeper of the group. He slinks around backstage and is rarely thrust into the spotlight like his two younger brothers. Like the other two, he has no real talent, but forces it in our face anyways. It is suspected that he likes to eat carrots and rape his youngest brother in his spare time.

 JONAS, the Jo Bros new show, is like the next Hannah Montana. The connection being that they both suck and the acting is terrible (s is the singing-why do they try, anymore?) It seems as if Disney has run out of ideas and must thrust everyone into the spotlight in the world of acting/singing where they really don’t belong.
Now, I’m not saying I can do any better (I certainly could out write Stephanie Meyer, though), but if someone is going to be pushed into the big bad world of show businesses, make sure they have the talent for what they’re doing next time, Disney. Thanks.

Their music is a long haul to being ‘good’ or even ‘decent’. They stretch their vocals out (vocals which they don’t even posses) way too much and use the word ‘baby’ too much. I’m sure the live concerts are lulzy.

The Brothers, as a whole, are terrible singers, songwriters, actors, and Christians. No one cares about their purity rings! Like South Park said, it’s probably a ploy just to propel their true motive of selling sex to young girls for profit, but trying to cover it up so no one will suspect anything. And if a girl flashes the Jo Bros again, at least have the decency to look!

 Ratings!!!
Nick: 1/10 because nobody gives a darn
Joe: 2/10 because of those thick, dark bows
What’s his name?: 10/10!!! His creeper factor propelled him to the top
JONAS: 3/10 for intense lulz because of the terrible acting
Music: 2/10 for the bit of lulz you get when they try and sing
Overall rating: There is none; it’s not even worth it at this point

The Jonas Brother’s suck, guys. Get over them and get your hands out of your pants when you watch their concert footage on YouTube-you’re not fooling anyone.

Twilight: What is this faggotry? (a review)

The title says all, folks.
Twilight: The faggotry within.
This book series, if I can call it that, has to be the worst literary ‘novel’ I have ever half-read. I admit, I was excited to read them since everyone was raving about how amazing they were. So I tried to muscle my way through the first book and I just couldn’t. Then I read a few pages of the second, none of the third, and random bits of the fourth (what the fuck was that? Pedo-wolf alert, for realz).
Oh, how I wept inside when I found out the truth. The truth that it was really a self-insert, Mary Sue, fuck over everything that was once cool and interesting about vampires, sparkle-tastic piece of garbage book.
What has our would come to? New York Time’s best seller?
Seriously? Aw snap, what the hell!?
Has my generation seriously become so brainwashed and mind-warped to accept this as a work of genius?
Interview with a Vampire-that is genius.
Read a real book, guys.
Let’s start off with the characters, shall we?
Isabella ‘Bella’ Swan: Let’s start off with her name. It means beautiful swan (even though she’s supposed to be ‘average’. Pssh!). How cliché can Meyer get? Her name might as well have been Bonita Goosefeather.
Bella is practically the poster girl for Mary Sues all around the world. She has no real faults which makes her unbelievably annoying and un-relatable. What kind of main character is that? She’s self-centered and everyone loves her for it. That’s such a distorted version of reality and it gives off a very bad impression the readers (mostly young girls and teenagers). It makes Meyer seem very uncreative and talentless (which she is, so I guess that’s what you get). Plus, Bella and Meyer are one in the same. Meyer is so unhappy with her life that she had to act out her fantasy and put herself into the story. Bella=Meyer-150 pounds.
Edward Cullen (aka, Sir Sparkles-a-lot): The worst excuse for a vampire. I feel bad for Robert Pattinson considering that there is nothing for him to work with for Edward as a character. Meyer molded Edward with her fucked up theology on vampires which is completely inaccurate and insulting to all people everywhere. Edward is a creeper and never develops as a character (neither does Bella). Edward is dull, ‘perfect’ in every sense of the word (aka, too fucked up to function), and just…retarded. He sparkles people! Come on! He sets girls up for failure in real life relationships.
Jacob: Pedo-wolf.
Alice: Possibly the only cool character in the book with a promising development. Sadly, she is never thrust into the spotlight…ever.
The other Cullens: Who cares? Meyer obviously doesn’t, so why should I? If she doesn’t have the time or talent to expand on her minor characters (and her main ones), then why should I write about them anymore?

Onto the plot!
…there is none. The only real thing the book is is some sparkles and shallow, self-indulgent romance based off of looks alone and no real personal connection.
Let’s rate this bitch!
Characters: 1/10, only because of Alice
Plot: 0/10 because there is none xD
Action: 3/10 due to that vampire that pwns the hell out of Bella in that one scene
Romance: 2/10 because of the constant reminder of Edward’s beauty
Sparkle Factor: 10/10 =D
Overall rating? 0/10
Get over Twilight-it sucks. Deal with it!