Oh, the Jonas Brothers. The Disney controlled, purity ring wearing, pansies that have been rotting modern rock music for the past…I can’t even remember how long. See what they do to you?
This is a review of the Jonas Brothers and their new show, JONAS, based fictitiously on their hectic lives as the famous ‘Lucas’ Brothers. Now, why they just didn’t use their real name is beyond me, considering the title of the show is, in fact, Jonas
I’ll go over the brother’s individually first before moving onto their faggotry as a union.
Nick: The 16 year old guitar player or singer or drummer…no one really knows what he does in the band (besides whaling his constant screeching vocals at us ruthlessly), and I’m way too lazy too look it up. Nick has dated Miley Cyrus (for reasons unknown to man, but now he’s her ‘best friend’), and is a media frenzy right now (as is Joe…and the other one). The youngest of the three, he would make the most sense to be sponsored by Disney since he is the most relatable age to the viewers (even though Disney is for little kids). However, he decides to creep the stages with his two older, molester brothers.
Joe: Is currently 19, but likes to fondle his seven year old fans. That is if he even had the balls to hold a bra onstage that was thrown at him or check out the girl who flashed him her rack of lamb. Joe was the star of ‘Camp Rock’, a movie nobody cares about or even remembers, seeing as it was a failure in trying to compete with High School Musical (the drag musical that lured in the faggotry cult following).
What’s his name?: What’s his name? is the other one in the group that nobody really cares about. He’s 21 years old and is the creeper of the group. He slinks around backstage and is rarely thrust into the spotlight like his two younger brothers. Like the other two, he has no real talent, but forces it in our face anyways. It is suspected that he likes to eat carrots and rape his youngest brother in his spare time.
JONAS, the Jo Bros new show, is like the next Hannah Montana. The connection being that they both suck and the acting is terrible (s is the singing-why do they try, anymore?) It seems as if Disney has run out of ideas and must thrust everyone into the spotlight in the world of acting/singing where they really don’t belong.
Now, I’m not saying I can do any better (I certainly could out write Stephanie Meyer, though), but if someone is going to be pushed into the big bad world of show businesses, make sure they have the talent for what they’re doing next time, Disney. Thanks.
Their music is a long haul to being ‘good’ or even ‘decent’. They stretch their vocals out (vocals which they don’t even posses) way too much and use the word ‘baby’ too much. I’m sure the live concerts are lulzy.
The Brothers, as a whole, are terrible singers, songwriters, actors, and Christians. No one cares about their purity rings! Like South Park said, it’s probably a ploy just to propel their true motive of selling sex to young girls for profit, but trying to cover it up so no one will suspect anything. And if a girl flashes the Jo Bros again, at least have the decency to look!
Ratings!!!
Nick: 1/10 because nobody gives a darn
Joe: 2/10 because of those thick, dark bows
What’s his name?: 10/10!!! His creeper factor propelled him to the top
JONAS: 3/10 for intense lulz because of the terrible acting
Music: 2/10 for the bit of lulz you get when they try and sing
Overall rating: There is none; it’s not even worth it at this point
The Jonas Brother’s suck, guys. Get over them and get your hands out of your pants when you watch their concert footage on YouTube-you’re not fooling anyone.
