The title says all, folks.
Twilight: The faggotry within.
This book series, if I can call it that, has to be the worst literary ‘novel’ I have ever half-read. I admit, I was excited to read them since everyone was raving about how amazing they were. So I tried to muscle my way through the first book and I just couldn’t. Then I read a few pages of the second, none of the third, and random bits of the fourth (what the fuck was that? Pedo-wolf alert, for realz).
Oh, how I wept inside when I found out the truth. The truth that it was really a self-insert, Mary Sue, fuck over everything that was once cool and interesting about vampires, sparkle-tastic piece of garbage book.
What has our would come to? New York Time’s best seller?
Seriously? Aw snap, what the hell!?
Has my generation seriously become so brainwashed and mind-warped to accept this as a work of genius?
Interview with a Vampire-that is genius.
Read a real book, guys.
Let’s start off with the characters, shall we?
Isabella ‘Bella’ Swan: Let’s start off with her name. It means beautiful swan (even though she’s supposed to be ‘average’. Pssh!). How cliché can Meyer get? Her name might as well have been Bonita Goosefeather.
Bella is practically the poster girl for Mary Sues all around the world. She has no real faults which makes her unbelievably annoying and un-relatable. What kind of main character is that? She’s self-centered and everyone loves her for it. That’s such a distorted version of reality and it gives off a very bad impression the readers (mostly young girls and teenagers). It makes Meyer seem very uncreative and talentless (which she is, so I guess that’s what you get). Plus, Bella and Meyer are one in the same. Meyer is so unhappy with her life that she had to act out her fantasy and put herself into the story. Bella=Meyer-150 pounds.
Edward Cullen (aka, Sir Sparkles-a-lot): The worst excuse for a vampire. I feel bad for Robert Pattinson considering that there is nothing for him to work with for Edward as a character. Meyer molded Edward with her fucked up theology on vampires which is completely inaccurate and insulting to all people everywhere. Edward is a creeper and never develops as a character (neither does Bella). Edward is dull, ‘perfect’ in every sense of the word (aka, too fucked up to function), and just…retarded. He sparkles people! Come on! He sets girls up for failure in real life relationships.
Jacob: Pedo-wolf.
Alice: Possibly the only cool character in the book with a promising development. Sadly, she is never thrust into the spotlight…ever.
The other Cullens: Who cares? Meyer obviously doesn’t, so why should I? If she doesn’t have the time or talent to expand on her minor characters (and her main ones), then why should I write about them anymore?
Onto the plot!
…there is none. The only real thing the book is is some sparkles and shallow, self-indulgent romance based off of looks alone and no real personal connection.
Let’s rate this bitch!
Characters: 1/10, only because of Alice
Plot: 0/10 because there is none xD
Action: 3/10 due to that vampire that pwns the hell out of Bella in that one scene
Romance: 2/10 because of the constant reminder of Edward’s beauty
Sparkle Factor: 10/10 =D
Overall rating? 0/10
Get over Twilight-it sucks. Deal with it!
Tags: anti-twilight, bella, bella swan, black, Breaking, Breaking Dawn, Dawn, Eclipse, edward cullen, honesty, jacob, jacob black, Kristen, Kristen Stewart, meyer, Moon, New, New Moon, Pattinson, review, Rob, Rob Pattinson, Robert Pattionson, romance, sparkle, sparkles, stephanie, stephanie meyer, Stewart, stupid, sucks, swan, Tabloids, terrible, twilight, vampire, Volturi, werewolf
